I've Made a Mess...

The only thing worst than making a mess is not realizing just how big of a mess you have made. And that thought comes to me quite often. Its the struggle with this thing called shame even in the beauty of His grace and mercy. My shadows quite often seem to be pride and pity, subtle bullies from hell. First theres a struggle which leads to a strangle. In my 40 plus years I cant believe the Mess ups I have accomplished, I say accomplish because God knows I went out of my way to do the very thing that hurts the One who loves me the most.Okay we say in getting older we are all the more wiser(see here comes that pride..) but in my proneness to wander I have lost something perhaps best describe as Innocence. From a song "Innocence lost" the lyrics speak of this;
"Milton lost his paradise, Dorothy lost her way
Vincent lost his sanity, Thomas lost his faith
Hoover lost the second time, Sigmund lost his friend
Me, I lost my innocence and I want it back again. "
From the smallest of wrongdoing to the biggest (and not sure how we measure this thing called sin out as if God really does have a top 10 sin list and the rest are "not as bad") I wonder whats wrong with me? Why did I say that, why did I do that? The thought would be bad enough but to carry out sin mixed with stupidity with no regard to who I will answer to in the end(and Now) and how whenever we make this Mess it doesnt just affect us, No it wipes so many others out. Like the ripple effect of a rock hitting the water. And yet this Mess is in all of us ever since Adam. Just look at the words from 1758 (a few yrs ago)
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above. (Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing)
Prone to wander and leave the God I LOVE. And Thank God He does come after us. He did before, during and (even still) after the Cross. Takes us and seals us. There is no other remedy for this Mess but to be covered by His love and my life in His hands not the other way around. I'll close with the words from Switchfoot "Mess of Me" which sums it all up perfectly...

I am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ain´t no cure they could sell
Ah, there ain´t no drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free the ones you love
Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!

I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!

What about you? What is Your Mess(I will give you a hint look in the mirror)? We all have them but we are NOT one. Despite the circumstances and consquences you are not what you do. You were simply and wonderfully created to become a child of the Creator and have eternal daily relationship with Him. Pause for a moment and lets start over again by giving Him this thing we call a mess and truly live the rest of your life alive.

TIME...

Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

This quote got my attention earlier this year as I was thinking if one is really sick or getting late in the years does that person spend his time different. When I heard the word cancer Im thinking okay time to kick it in and make the most of my time. But guess what its that TIME no matter who you are or where you are in the life. Call it Carpe Deim, Live Every Moment, call it what you will but time is precious and I still find myself most of the time playing marbles with diamonds. Just not getting how precious and fragile life is and the relationships that make up our life. John Fischer points out how he feels like he accomplished something in doing so little.." i will often busy myself with something trivial so I dont have to encounter the complex or the uncomfortable. I am lethargic when it comes to the most important" Im right there with him if I get the house straighten up (by the way have you ever went to clean the house, office and as you pick up a book to put it in its right place you started reading the book and well cleaning doesnt get check off the list) or the lawn done then its as if something can be checked off the bucket list. How much trivial things take up our time as in to be the best at a game, hobby, or as the saying goes to "die with the most toys and still die"
In our world we are consume with computer,cell phone,TV,cds,Blu Ray Dvds,PS3..and perhaps consume doesnt cover it when you see people texting one another as they sit in the same room. Lives are being based on how many friends you have on facebook and dropping your status to the world every 5 minutes. Its fun to have these things but a blessing becomes a curse when it takes up more time then it should in your life. Facebook posts,high scores,fantasy teams,biggest collection,etc.etc.
We are losing days,weeks,years of life as we squander the most important things around us and by not spending this time with those who matter the most. I just got back from vacation by the beach with family. And though I did take in the sunrise a couple of times and enjoyed the time with the family I know I missed out. I know I am still learning to take it each and every moment. Starting with the air that I breathe, I need to..taste the food,dance to the music, hear the words,listen, love and live for others. Thanking the Lord daily and realizing this thing called Time is a gift from Him. The More I realize such the more I will be consume by those things that matter the most.

12 in 90 welcome back post

Even though I know I tend to procrastinate with the best of them. I could not believe that I haven't posted since January. So the new goal is 12 (count 'em 12) post in the next 90 days (a thank you tip from John Acuff) In the beginning of the year I was dealing with skin cancer and though several spots found there way on me. Through treatment and a little surgery all is good. Then about a month ago I started to feel really bad and confess to my wife that hey after the "cancer scare" I'm a wimp..so with that I gave in and had a full physical done (for those who know me that may be equivalent of skydiving with a backpack) and over 40 things was checked and all came back good/clear. Here's where I pause again to thank the Lord because I had more than doubts that there would be a few things not so good.
So although the good news the pain continue and actually through chatting with a person while playing online scrabble it was brought to my attention what was wrong with me-gallbladder..Yea never thought of getting a free diagnosis while trying to spell a 7 letter word. And so in the months of writing nothing I have struggle at times only to realize physically nothing is wrong with me but I dwell on the "little" and at times it consumed me. wavering and wandering...I easily wavered from drawing close to the One who loves me most. sickness,hardship,tragedies do not change us on their own. It remains us as the individual who must make the change and self will never do such on its own. And with these health issues/concerns I still am learning(and lacking) to make the most of my time. I mean its one thing to enjoy things but its completely another to get consume by them..meanwhile the dye test confirms my gallbladder needs to go.. so within the next month so I will be laid up for a few days, perhaps just maybe that will help with the 12 in 90 days...